And It Begins.....

This could be the beginning of a love/hate relationship with myself. On one hand I like to keep my life to myself. On the other hand I feel this desire to share my thoughts with the world.

As an adult woman with ADHD (yes, the H belongs in there. I know they say adults grow out of that, perhaps I have for the most part, but it's still there), I will find blogging to be a particular challenge. Focusing, being consistent with any task, takes enormous amounts of self-discipline and focus.
Most of my life I have pictured a future that included the written word. No, not scripture. MY written word. On paper is where I thought it would be at; in novel form. I have all of these amazing true stories that I could tell, and a lot of ideas for fictional stories as well. First I need to hone my writing skills. I suppose a blog is as good a place as any to start. Then perhaps some creative writing classes at the local college, eventually.

I'm very intimidated by the Amy who wants to share all her words with the world. She is confident and smart and funny and likable. The shy Amy is reserved; terrified that readers will be critical and judgmental. Worried that her words will not be eloquent. Worried that all her chatter will become annoying. But skill comes from practice, and the confident Amy doesn't care who she annoys.
One of my favorite phrases the past two years has been "life begins just outside your comfort zone". It's too easy to stay within the familiar, to stay home, to say no when invited on girls night out, to do the same thing every day. It's safe. But what fun is that? I stepped out of my comfort zone when I joined my book club. I did it again when Eric and I started looking for a new home. Again, when I sat on my first motorcycle, when I started practicing yoga, when I started opening myself up to friends again after years of living my life as if I were one dimensional; mom, wife. The result was a beautiful home in a small town with a motorcycle parked on the front porch and amazing friends that I can say "I love you" to and it doesn't catch in my throat from fear. All of these things were hard and scary. And they improved my life. It's time for me to expand my comfort zone again, just a tiny bit. So I begin a blog.

This quote is from a friend (whom I will not name). You know who you are, and if you read this please forgive me for my plagiarism. It's stored in my mental filing cabinet to be retrieved whenever I'm feeling anxious. Even the most mundane of tasks can seem huge when I am scared (like right now, as I'm considering tapping on the "publish" button above). I think these words are brilliant and I hope that they can help someone else the way they help me:

"Anxiety, you are no friend of mine. Life is too short to live avoiding irrational fears. You're so convincing, A nasty trick. Hijacking my mind, interjecting worry and doubt between what is real and what is perceived to be real.

From now on, your attempts to alter my course will be considered and taken as an emotional response and warning, that what I am about to do is important. That I should pay attention and learn from what is about to take place. You will become a tool that I will use to stay aware of the opportunity that is before me." -B.K.