"My mind was like the postal service three days before Christmas." Thomas Lang, The Gun Seller by Hugh Laurie.
What a perfect description of my brain. Only Hugh Laurie wasn't telling a story about a man with ADD. The main character was explaining how jumbled his brain was after receiving a concussion while getting his ass kicked. Same thing, right? Not really, but I reread it several times just for the chuckle. Ask anyone who has ADD/ADHD if they can focus on one thing at a time. The answer will most likely be no, except under certain circumstances, like hyper focusing. We are always thinking about what we did and what we have to do, and rarely are we thinking about what we are doing. The average person is a multi-tasker. An ADHD'er is a multitasker that is really bad at it.
Now, let me tell you about my motorcycle. It's a Yamaha V Star 650, cruiser. Top speed is about 83 miles per hour. Not too terribly exciting unless it's your first bike and you are the one riding. It's step up from the TW 200 that I've been riding for a few years, and it's a great beginners street bike for a woman of my stature. It will satisfy my need for adrenaline and adventure for, oh, another year or two, or until A) I get a bigger, faster bike. Or B) I go down at a high speed and kill myself (someone knock on wood).
I've always considered myself to be an excellent driver. I do it for a living after all. While at work I see a lot of automobile accidents. Friends, every time you get behind the wheel you are risking your life. Right now you are saying "I know, I know", but you don't know the way that I know. I see dead people. Well, I have, not regularly, but enough. Last week I saw a car that had jumped the cement barrier of the freeway. A few weeks before that I saw a motorcycle on State Street that was almost unrecognizable after t-boning an SUV. In both cases the ambulance was in no hurry, indicating that whoever they were there for was already dead.
When I was 18 years old I saw a dead man with no face, the road had removed it for him as he slid across, after rolling his truck. I was the first person on the scene. A police officer had asked me to stay put until he could come back and ask me questions, then went off to help the paramedics with the second man, who was still alive. I stood there on the side of the road and stared at the dead man with no face. I had nightmares for years. I can clearly see it in my mind, still. And when I drive the road between Beaver and Minersville I can still point to the exact spot where it happened. I found out later that he had been drinking and driving.
So what I'm getting at is that the road is a dangerous place.
It's dangerous and I have chosen to drive on two wheels as often as possible.
The risk is so high when you ride on a motorcycle. Objects in the road become much more hazardous. Chunks of tire, a ladder fallen off a truck and left in the lane, even a squirrel running for it's life, all become dangerous objects that can end a riders life in the blink of an eye. Then there is the stupidity of other drivers. On a motorcycle there is no protection. If I go down I fall victim to physics; gravity and inertia.
This past Friday I was cruising through a canyon, leaning into a curve, taking it just a little faster than my comfort zone would like, just because that's how I get my adrenaline pumping, and I thought to myself, was I happy before this? Could I have possibly been happy before I got this bike? I'm sure I was, but my short-term memory had to argue. The reality of it is, when I am on my bike I am THERE. I am present in the moment. I no longer have a scrambled brain without focus. While riding I am aware of all of the dangers. I put my favorite music in my ears, hit the road, and my mind clears. I am living in the Now, the freedom to just BE. All nerves are alert, reflexes are ready, eyes see everything exactly as it is right now. I am focused on many things all at once that equal one thing as a whole. Life. Survival. It is beautiful and it is rare and I am addicted.
